You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
