I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
