Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
