Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
