So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
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