im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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