This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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