I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
