All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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