My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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