Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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