Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
