That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
