OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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