get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
