Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize