He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
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