So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
