Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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