I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
