I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
