textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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