are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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