Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
no, he came in my armpit
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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