A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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