First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
