I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
