At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
