yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
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