i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
