I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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