Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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