What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
