in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
