chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i think i have herpe
just one?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
