plz talk dirty to me
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
