Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
