Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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