Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
