so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
