i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
