Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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