I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
