I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
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