Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
