dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize