why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
