Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
