so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
operation have a gay friend backfired
She even gives head with a lisp.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
