how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
