I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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