We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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