i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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