I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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