I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
