I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
