Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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