plz talk dirty to me
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
