What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
