Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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