Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
