I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
People in love make me want to vomit
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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