Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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