he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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