His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
