i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
