If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
