2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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