when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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