i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
