Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
