Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
